Clean Up

If you’re not aware of what’s in your own shadow, you run the risk of being controlled by it and causing all sorts of unnecessary pain to yourself and others, despite your good intentions. Conditioning that we can’t see often gets in the way of what’s actually needed at any given moment. It makes us reactive, instead of attentive and responsive. Our shadow can also cover up the best aspects of our being, blocking our ability to be as loving, generous, wise, and joyous as we can be. 

When looked at from that perspective, doesn’t it make sense to Clean Up to the full extent of our capability? But it’s true: delving into our hidden feelings and fears can be difficult and painful. Cleaning Up your shadow requires courage, honesty, and a willingness to be vulnerable. Still, there’s nothing but upside. 

If you truly commit to this inner work, you’ll discover that you really can release yourself from whatever is holding you back. You’ll experience the deep satisfaction of growing into the fullness of who you are. And you’ll feel more and more connected to the people around you. Quite simply, shadow work will change your life.

Here’s how it works: Tibetan teacher Tsoknyi Rinpoche calls our shadow patterns “Beautiful Monsters.” These are the parts of us that show up as anger, fear, shame, or stubborn habits we can’t seem to shake. They’re beautiful because they’re part of you. Instead of trying to banish them, his Handshake Practice invites us to do something radically different:

• Notice Your Beautiful Monster — The first step is to become aware of them. When a strong reaction arises, pause and gently notice it in your body. Don’t push it away.
• Shake Hands — Acknowledge the pattern as if you were greeting an old acquaintance. You might say to yourself: “So good to see you. Come sit with me. We’ll be together.” Welcome the opportunity to hear whatever your honored guest might wish to express. What are the feelings of your Beautiful Monster? Sadness? Grief? Anger? Jealousy? Loss? Whatever the feeling, “listen” to your Beautiful Monster by experiencing the raw feelings and sensations in your body without judgment.
• Stay Present and Discover Essence Love — Allow yourself to feel what’s there without judgment. When you allow yourself to “be” with your Beautiful Monsters in this kind and gentle way, you foster a welcoming emotional environment in which greater levels of warmth and happiness begin to fill your heart. There’s a growing sense of underlying “okayness,” despite any challenges you face. Rinpoche’s term for this is “Essence Love,” a natural sense of unconditional well-being within our feeling world.

Over time, this practice reveals the hidden energy and wisdom within your shadow. By turning toward what you’d rather avoid, you actually free yourself and reclaim the vitality that was locked away.

• Tara Bennett-Goleman — Emotional Alchemy and  Mind Whispering: A New Map to Freedom from Self-Defeating Emotional Habits
• Tsoknyi Rinpoche and Daniel Goleman — Why We Meditate, which includes Handshake Practice for working with Beautiful Monsters
• Tara Brach — Psychologist and meditation teacher | Integrates mindfulness, compassion, and Western psychology
• ​​Robert Augustus Masters — Bringing the Shadow out of the Dark: Breaking Free From the Hidden Forces that Drive You
• The Atlas of Emotions — The Dalai Lama requested that the Atlas be created to represent the science of emotions.